After watching the finale of The Bear, Dave and Reese found themselves talking less about the restaurant and more about marriage, communication, and what it takes to grow together. In this episode, they explore why even high achievers struggle with self-doubt, how the best relationships are built through honest conversations, and why remembering you're on the same team can change everything. Along the way, they reflect on getting older, conflict resolution, raising adult kids, and the questions they'd ask their younger selves about life and love.
[00:00:00]
Reese: I think I would've, I would say to my younger self th- a title does not mean that you have everything that you ever wanted.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: Sometimes titles and bigger responsibilities, more money, more problems. You know what I mean? Like Biggie knows. Y- the more... The, I think that I would've still pushed myself to try to get further in my career and, and go for things, and maybe, maybe I should have tried a little bit harder.
I would've been like, "Try a little bit harder. Put yourself out there more." I probably would've-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... ignored all of that, and been like, "Hmm."
Intro Music: This is Dave. This is Reese, and this is Manic Joy, a podcast about life, love, and, and uncertainty.
Reese: Cheers
Dave: Enjoy. Cheers[00:01:00]
Reese: Happy 250th anniversary
Dave: There it is. Way to go.
Reese: Anniversary, birthday
Dave: I don't know, man. Birthday
Reese: Uh, quinceañera-
Dave: Bir- yeah ...
Reese: America.
Dave: Yeah, it's that. It's that, America sweetheart.
Reese: Mm-hmm.
Dave: That's what it is. So listen-
Reese: Look at my bow ...
Dave: we celebrated the Fourth of July yesterday.
Reese: Yeah, we did.
Dave: It was a good time.
We had Friday off, which was amazing. Yeah. We got a great pool day in, which was really good.
Reese: Mm-hmm.
Dave: We got to go see Jonnie's got the new kittens. We went to go visit the kittens. Yep. Mila-
Reese: And Nora ...
Dave: and Nora are the kittens. They were cute.
Reese: Yes, yes, very cute.
Dave: Uh, so that was a lot of fun.
Reese: The grand fur babies.
Dave: I was very happy with the sun situation on Friday. Mm. There was not a cloud in the sky on Friday. It was pretty awesome. We got a good amount of daytime.
Reese: It was hot-
Dave: It was good ...
Reese: though.
Dave: It was, well, yeah, it was close to 100 degrees on Friday.
Reese: Yeah, yeah.
Dave: Uh, yesterday was decent. We had some- Eh. We had some clouds come through, and then we had a little bit of a storm, but nothing crazy.
We could still hang outside.
Reese: And then it went away, and then we came back out.
Dave: And then today we're like, we're [00:02:00] taking a little break right now because we figured we gotta get in here and record something.
Reese: Yeah.
Dave: And then we're gonna go back out in the pool. So-
Reese: Damn straight ...
Dave: so if we look a little, uh, glisteny, uh, or sweaty, it's because it's hot.
It's, like, 84. Yeah. It's kind of a little hot in the house right now. Yeah. We don't have AC over here. It's not too bad, but I'm also just sweating from, you know, moving around outside, and I'm, I'm oiled up. I'm lubed up with the, uh-
Reese: He's lubed up.
Dave: I'm lubed up with, uh, the sunscreen. So-
Reese: You put so much sunscreen on.
Dave: I have to.
Reese: It's actually, you're such a white person.
Dave: I have to. I am. But- Oops ... but look at me. I've got some good color. I look pretty good. I mean, I'm not you.
Reese: I know.
Dave: So calm down, but-
Reese: Cleopatra over here ...
Dave: I'm, I'm looking pretty good for my- Calm down over here ... I'm looking pretty good for a, a French Canadian German dude.
Reese: I know, seriously.
Dave: So-
Reese: Yeah ...
Dave: cheers.
Reese: Cheers.
Dave: Alright, Reese.
Reese: Yes, David?
Dave: We watched The Bear, the final season of The Bear.
Reese: Yes.
Dave: It was pretty awesome.
Reese: It was excellent. I will say I did enjoy the first couple of seasons. I thought it was just, it was a [00:03:00] great show.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: Um, somewhat invested. I uh, we have to talk about Donna. We gotta talk about Dee. We gotta talk about the mom.
She w- was probably not one of my favorite characters. They made her terrible.
Dave: Well...
Reese: And she was a terrible person.
I get it.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: You know what I mean? But sh- she made me nervous. Like, when, whenever she would come on, I think it was, like, the second season, whenever it was.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: Whenever she would come on, I'd be like-
Dave: Oh, yeah ...
Reese: "Oh, my God. What now?"
Dave: You get anxious.
Reese: What now?
Dave: But that, but that's purposeful, right?
Reese: Yes.
Dave: Because that's what they wanted you to feel.
Reese: But I, it just, I didn't need that type of anxiety in my life. But whatever.
Dave: Well, speaking of anxiety, I think this is the big thing, and this will lead us into our conversation. Really, really loved the, this finale.
Reese: Mm.
Dave: The, the series finale, we were talking a little bit.
It reminded me of, I think, the two that come to mind are, in terms of finales that I thought were fantastic, would be,
Reese: Lost
Dave: you, for you, okay.
Reese: I'm kidding.
Dave: So-
Reese: Everybody hates that finale ...
Dave: [00:04:00] for me, except for you, you love it ...
Reese: except for me, I love it.
Dave: So one for me is Six Feet Under. I thought that was, like, a very satisfying series end.
Reese: Yes.
Dave: We, I f- I feel like we need to go back and watch that, too. I mean-
Reese: I know ...
Dave: we keep threatening to do that.
Reese: I know.
Dave: But it, that's such a great show. And then two, Friday Night Lights I thought-
Reese: I know, also a great show ...
Dave: was, was also a very satisfying finale.
Reese: Mm-hmm. '
Dave: Cause you know how shows can often, you'd be like, "Oh, that was it."
Reese: Like Dexter.
Dave: Well-
Reese: And you're like, "What-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: what have you done?"
Dave: But it's made up for itself, so that's good.
Reese: I know. It's true.
Dave: Um, but anyway we I mean, one of the things that I enjoyed about this finale, without giving too much away, is that the characters, they're all operating at a high level together, right?
Reese: Mm-hmm.
Dave: So it's all this thing about, you know, they, they call themselves the f- you know, their family, like, that whole thing. So it's that operating together, and even when they were- doing things that were outside of their comfort zones. All of it boiled down to, like, them communicating with each other. [00:05:00] But also this idea that I often can't shake is that idea of like even when you are operating at a high level, like you are, you're anxious.
You've got-
Reese: Mm-hmm ...
Dave: anxiety. You're nervous. You're afraid to do things, and it's, it's kind of like the support of others I, at least for me, I'll speak for myself in that point, like I do things more because other people are relying on me to than-
Reese: Mm-hmm ...
Dave: myself in a lot of instances. Does that make sense?
So I don't know. But for me, I thought it was very interesting, and you kinda get into this, this place where You know, I don't know. Like, there, there's an interesting conversation there, right? Like, just around-
Reese: Well, it's so funny because they do two things that give an outward closeness that as you watch the show, you start to learn internally how flawed they all are in different ways.
But they always do, "Yes, cousin." [00:06:00] They call each other cousin.
Dave: Yeah. Yeah.
Reese: And then they do the, "Yes, chef."
Dave: Of course.
Reese: Where they use these re- re- respectful terms-
Dave: Mm-hmm ...
Reese: f- to each other, but on the inside they have all these, like, co- um, conflicts-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: with themselves, with each other. So I enjoyed the unlayering, unpacking of all of those issues in the last season, and then watching those characters have their arc.
Dave: Yeah. I think it was, like, it's that idea that, like, every one of them has some layer of self-doubt, and they all... Again, that idea of even the most talented people, right? But they all got to this place where they pushed themselves-
Reese: Mm-hmm ...
Dave: to whatever that next level was-
Reese: Mm-hmm ...
Dave: even though that it was something that was, very nerve-wracking and made them anxious to do.
Reese: Right. In contrast with the ending of Euphoria- ... [00:07:00] which-
Dave: Well, that was,
Reese: yeah ... did not-
Dave: Not a good ending, yeah ...
Reese: give any good arcs really to anybody. I was so disappointed that the lead female character, they just fizzled her out. And you could say what you want about the ending, what it represents, or what that last season represented, I felt empty.
I felt like I ate a bunch of candy and junk food-
Dave: Mm-hmm ...
Reese: that does nothing for my body. Like, I just gorged on something-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: and got no benefit from it.
Dave: No.
Reese: I didn't walk away from that show-
Dave: Empty calories ...
Reese: feeling... it felt like empty calories. I walked away from that show feeling like I was sold a bag of goods that were not good.
However, The Bear, like you said, satisfying.
Dave: Really good.
Reese: Beau- beautiful rating, and they did it in a series of- little vignettes, little stories. Which for my [00:08:00] ADHD, I didn't have to sit there for an hour with one long drawn out story. It was like these little blips of action, and they were able to crochet it together, as I wear this shirt and patch it together, and it just...
It was beautiful watching it happen.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And you still weren't sure how they were gonna make this end, because they could have thrown any crazy thing in there.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And they didn't.
Dave: No, it was-
Reese: They didn't do that. They let you sh- they let you be a part of that story, and give it some finality that, like you said, satisfying.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: I agree.
Dave: Let me ask you this then, right? When you start to think about just in terms of, like, again, they're high achievers, they're still questioning themselves. I love that they show that side, because oftentimes- Yeah ... you get, like, the one-sided view of it that, like-
Reese: The i- or it's also the imposter syndrome of, like-
Dave: Or oh,
Reese: I'm, I, I can't do this. I want to do it. I have the drive. I know I can.
Dave: And-
Reese: But I don't know
Dave: There's-
Reese: This is bigger than me ...
Dave: there's so much of that [00:09:00] there in each of the characters. They're all doubting themselves.
Reese: It's in work. It's in their-
Dave: It's, it's amazing ...
Reese: their relationships, their family relationships, letting go of the past of, you know, the, the s- the big brother being The thing that tore them apart, brought them back together-
Dave: Oh, yeah. It, it was so many things ...
Reese: and living in his shadow-
Dave: yeah ...
Reese: and being able to let that go as well as-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: using the older brother as a crutch.
Dave: Well, let me ask you this, 'cause I think I overheard you having a conversation yesterday about this idea, but do you think confidence, uh, d- does confidence actually increase with age or do you think it decreases with age?
'Cause I think you were talking a little bit about how even like as you get older your anxiety is even more or different, like I don't know. Explain.
Reese: It's weird. Um- so a- as you get older, my anxiety... when you go through menopause, uh, you get a different type of anxiety- ... that comes out of nowhere.
I have anxiety about things I [00:10:00] never really had before, like I never used to worry about driving my car in any inclement weather.
Dave: Mm.
Reese: Didn't worry driving at night, late at night. Now I do not like to drive at, at night. I- if it, if there might be snow, leave me alone. I, I don't, I get super anxious. I think on the opposite side of that what happens when you get older, there is a bunch of shit you j- you just don't care about anymore.
Dave: So there is an element of that, right? It's like-
Reese: There is a complete element. Like, I don't care if people like me.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: I don't care. Like, I wear what I wanna wear. I get the nails painted the way I want.
Dave: You know the things you can kinda let go, right?
Reese: If I don't... Right.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And if I don't want to do something, I'm not going to do it.
I don't know. I don't owe anybody-
Dave: Mm-hmm ...
Reese: any of my time. And time is precious. You realize you only have so much time left.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And with it, I wanna do the things that I wanna do and be with the people I wanna be with.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And I don't wanna waste time on anybody or anything that, [00:11:00] again, doesn't fulfill me.
And we can start a show, we've done this, if I'm not into it anymore-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: I used to always be like, "All right, I'll follow through on it." But if it's not doing anything for me I don't wanna waste my time.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: Like The Boys. I was-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: I loved that show so much and then it got... I don't mind weird.
Dave: And now you're like no.
Reese: But it got beyond weird.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: I was not f- uh, and so I gave up. And you finished it, and I was like, "Not for me. I'd rather go do something else." And that's how I am right now, but there are elements of anxiety that I think lends itself also to the side of, well, if I'm feeling this way, I'm not doing it.
It's not-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: making me feel good so I'm not gonna do it.
Dave: Is there anything in particular that causes you anxiety now? Like, so like m- let me put it this way, or confidence. Uh, uh, we'll frame it around that confident thing. 'Cause like I would say that I'm probably... I actually feel like I'm probably- I don't know.
I guess it depends on what it is, right? So like to your [00:12:00] point, there's, uh, the question I guess is like, do I feel more confident now, right, at this age? And I feel like some things I just, I don't need the confidence because, like, I'm comfortable in-
Reese: Mm ...
Dave: my skin.
Reese: Right.
Dave: Right? That I know what I can do, I know what I can't do, I know where I...
Although, I sometimes question that, and I think that all depends on your environment.
Reese: Right.
Dave: But I would say the thing that maybe I- we've talked about this before, but I always have that overwhelming, the... I guess my anxiety comes from that overwhelming sense of, like, you could, we could lose all of this tomorrow.
Reese: Mm.
Dave: Like, there's nothing... Not that it's a house of cards, but I mean, there's, th- there's... and we're in a comfortable position, but all of that can change in a moment's notice with- without a moment's notice, you know what I, you know what I mean? And so I think that's the thing that, being this age, I think when you're younger, you have that, you have the time component on your side.
Reese: And you think you're infallible, and you don't think you're-
Dave: And you think you're invincible-
Reese: Yes ...
Dave: you're more confident and I think there's something to that, right?
Reese: And you [00:13:00] have more energy.
Dave: Like, that confidence and that, and that inexperience actually helps you get to certain places.
Reese: Right.
Dave: But I think at this age, I think the thing that I worry most about is, like, at this age, like, now you're in this weird, like, nebulous zone where I don't know, you're almost at the disposable part of life-
Reese: Right
Dave: where you're not the-
Reese: Well, you should always be-
Dave: You're in a weird zone ...
Reese: trying to upgrade yourself and-
Dave: You know what I mean? Well, of course, of course ...
Reese: pivot and adjust and grow ...
Dave: but I'm just saying, like, where you sit in society, right?
Reese: Right. But you know what?
Dave: We're old.
Reese: Yes. But you wanna know what? Where I may age out of things it was hard for me for quite some time that I had to stop shopping at Forever 21.
Uh, that is not true.
Dave: As much as that hurt you, yes.
Reese: The name of that store is a lie. Um, when you shop in there, you do not feel like you're Forever 21. You feel like you're just... I can't even think of a good joke because it's just so depressing. The last couple times I went in there I'm like, I did an about-face and left.
I was like, "This is not for me." The second I walked in I was like, "Nope," turned around, walked out of [00:14:00] there. I will say I think that you are very confident in your career, your job, your, You, you've worked really hard over the last couple of years to really create a good foundation- ... for your work ethic and the type of work that you do.
I think you're really good at that. You're a good speaker. And I think in certain situations, like, I had asked you to... I did a play reading.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: So here's where sometimes I get anxiety and I get imposter syndrome when I go to an audition. I had two auditions that I went on. One was, like, there was a bunch of young people there, and I'm like, "Oh, boy-
this is not gonna be for me." And it w- it was fine, but it was also, like, me, I could just tell, like, my vibe was off. This is not... And then I went to another one, and it was older people And I'm like, "Okay, feel a little bit more secure here." And then everything I calmed down. I allowed [00:15:00] myself to have a good time.
I put my guard down, and I just got silly and had fun. I wrote a play, and that worked out for me 'cause I get a part in that play. And then I wrote a play and I said, "You know what? As good as a writer as I kinda am, my ideas are solid. I really love this play that I wrote. You were kind enough to let me invite a bunch of people over and be, and take part in having some people read the play-
Dave: Mm-hmm
Reese: and get feedback." I love feedback.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: Some people can't handle, as they get older, they don't wanna hear that they're doing something wrong or that what they did isn't 100% amazing. And, and what I really enjoyed was- Everybody giving feedback to help me be better
Dave: Yeah
Reese: And that, that is how I took it.
Dave: Well, and, and that's how you have to take it.
Reese: Right.
Dave: Right? And, and I think-
Reese: And it was very helpful ...
Dave: uh, of course it was. I'm sure it was, and it's good to hear things. And I mean, I think it's also good to hear things, 'cause, like, there are some things that obviously, like, I've mentioned, and then it's like, but it's good to hear [00:16:00] them from other people, right?
Reese: Of course.
Dave: Not that we don't trust each other-
Reese: Right ...
Dave: but it's also get, to get confirmation.
Reese: Well, sometimes you need some-
Dave: You know, yeah ...
Reese: uh, some people that are outside-
Dave: Side of ...
Reese: your brain and-
Dave: Right ...
Reese: in your inner circle-
Dave: yeah ...
Reese: to give you something different than the algorithm that you're in, hearing all of these-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: same things. And I would say for myself, teaching, I don't ever worry about it. I, I feel like I'm a good teacher.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: I try to adjust how I teach, what I teach like the metho- methodology of how I teach it. I don't mind, um, I don't like doing the same thing all the time. Where I sometimes I will take a step back is I wanna know more when I'm doing my art, when I'm-
Dave: Right
Reese: creating a play, characters, all of that. I'm I want help. I want input. Teamwork makes the dream work. Help me out.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: Where I feel like I'm a... Ask me to teach anywhere, I'm in. I'm your girl. I could do it. I don't even think twice. Like, I, I-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: you know what I mean? I was asked to do a workshop that I've already done before.
L- I [00:17:00] didn't even, boom, did it, had the best time. I adjusted some stuff so it'll be new and fun for me, 'cause I was doing the same thing again, and I just mixed it up a little. That's where I feel my confidence is solid.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: When I'm doing stuff that is, like, slightly unique and different, I will ask for help.
I will ask for feedback.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: I think that is important, and I think a lot of people can't do that. And the one thing about The Bear which was nice to see is there was a lot of conflict-
Dave: Mm-hmm ...
Reese: and then conflict resolution-
Dave: Yes ...
Reese: which is one of the things I, I also teach in intro, what do I... in interpersonal communication.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And we talk about conflict and conflict resolution. There was one scene- In the final season where, uh, the two... I feel like the pastry chefs, the-
Dave: With Right. Yep ... yep.
Reese: They were... They had a conflict.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: They had a fight.
Dave: They got into it.
Reese: It was miscommunication.
Dave: And then they apologized.
Reese: And then-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: like you come around, you get over [00:18:00] yourself, and I think a lot of people cannot-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: get over them- themselves.
Dave: Well, yeah.
Reese: And I think as you get older, you get stuck in your ways, and you think everything that you say and do now, 'cause you've been doing it for so long, you have all the right answers.
And that was a part of, like, the boomer generation. Like, they were hard to... they're very much in, in- encapsulated in I- I know all.
I know all. I-
Dave: That was also a generation that didn't... we've had conversations about this, like that didn't talk, right? Right. Like, or didn't share what they were going through.
Reese: Right. And when they did, they would tell you how you're wrong and how doing it their way- ... is the better way.
Dave: Right. Well, I think, you know, you're touching on a few things here that I think are interesting. I mean, obviously, that whole idea of that, of course, like running a restaurant requires a whole bunch of things to go right, and everybody's gotta do their job.
Reese: Right.
Dave: And it's the same with anything, right? Everybody's gotta do their job and do their job to the best of their ability.
Reese: And to be a good leader, you have to allow those people-
Dave: Well, you have to trust in each other-
Reese: Exactly ...
Dave: and you have to let them do what they're responsible-
Reese: You can't micromanage and be on top of people.
Dave: And I think you saw, like, moments of that where like, "Oh, [00:19:00] I'll just do it."
Reese: Yes.
Dave: And then you're like, "Oh, no, wait. No. Yes you help do it." Like, you recognize that. And I think... if you think about our marriage, right, I think, you know, we've all... We've always had this conversation about how we're on the same team.
Reese: Mm-hmm.
Dave: And it's sometimes easy when you get upset or you, you get in a fight, like it's... Or you c- It's very easy to be like, "Oh, this... Why isn't this person on my side?" And then, like, you almost have to remind yourselves that "No, we're on the same team. That person isn't against me." "We're trying to do something together."
So I guess-
Reese: But it's like if you take everything personally, and you think that everybody is out to get you-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: and you... You know what I mean? That then you're projecting your own insecurities on the situation and on the per- person.
Dave: Well, that's all that is, right?
Reese: Yeah.
Dave: A l- a l- a lot of times-
Reese: Right
Dave: it's just your own insecurities.
Reese: But once people can get out of their way, and I think they did a great job with that as part of the storytelling in the last season of The Bear, is once they got out of their own [00:20:00] way, you know, and making-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: certain decisions, whether it be allowing people into their lives or doing things that are completely outside of their comfort zone.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: It was just... It was so nice to watch the human- journey-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: of them, and then watch them, you know, struggle and then come back around. And it's been a long time since a show has really showcased that type of-
Dave: Mm-hmm ...
Reese: storytelling.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: So it, it was really nice-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: and connectable.
Dave: Yeah. Well, q- question for you then would be, like, is there anything, when you think about our marriage and our relationship, is there anything that you've learned or we've learned not to take personally anymore?
Reese: I feel like I was pretty bad with that when we were first together. I took a lot of things personally.
Dave: Yeah. Well, then what changed for you? Like, how did, how did-
Reese: Well, we just-
Dave: What got you to the place where you, like, you don't do those things?
Reese: Because we're still together. We're still here.
Dave: Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
Reese: Um, we've had enough fights where we've learned [00:21:00] conflict- our own type of conflict-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: resolution. Some of that is, "Leave me alone right now." "Let me calm down, and then we can talk." Talking when you're in any heightened emotion is not a good idea. That includes your partner, your friends, your children.
When you're driving and someone pisses you off, I like it better when we boo.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: But it's just the matter of I think we've learned patience with each other.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: I mean, we still get annoyed.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: But I also feel like I don't wanna be fighting with you all day.
Dave: I think that's the big thing, too, right?
Where you, like-
Reese: I think we try to avoid that as much as possible, even though w- we at times get super annoyed with each other.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: But I think we've been able to handle... We handle ourselves. It's, again, I'm gonna bring up the stoic stuff. At a certain point, you can't change people. They're set in their ways.
You cannot change people.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: You're not gonna win that battle. You can only change how you feel about the [00:22:00] situation and the person. You have control-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: over that. You do. Now, listen-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: there are some things where some people definitely need a little help, right? That could be medication or therapy or whatever.
For the most part, you can decide if you wanna be happy or mad or sad, and to what level you wanna escalate it. So there are certain things that really do piss me off, but I'm in control of that anger, and I can decide at what level I can feel what I wanna feel- ... acknowledge it, and then think, "Is this worth it for me to keep being mad about it?"
And nine times out of 10, it is not. Because unfortunately, I have a personality where everything annoys me.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: Everything.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And it sucks to be that way.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: Uh, but it's in my DNA.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: We- I, you know, have napping and being annoyed with people-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: in my lineage, so what are you gonna do? But I feel like [00:23:00] with us- We've got it almost down to a science.
I feel like once or twice we, we lose our way, but we always come back- Yeah ... because we know in the end we're better together-
Dave: Right ...
Reese: than not.
Dave: O- one of the things I, I'm curious, again, like our whole thing has always been, the communication is what's key. And y- and I think even in the, in the episode you saw, like, them having conversations, and not that they have answers for them, but they had conversations, like, about things that were bothering them or how they were feeling.
And all of those things have allowed them to make progress. And so when you think about, again, when you think about our relationship, is there anything on your side where you are like, y- do you... Is there a conversation you think changed our relationship at all?
Reese: Yeah. There's been several, I'm sure.
Especially when we miscommunicate, where I'm not picking up what you're putting down because I'm in my own way, in my own head-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: and I'm perceiving [00:24:00] something that you say-
Dave: Mm ...
Reese: or do because of my own issues in the moment.
Dave: Yeah.
I think-
Reese: I think that's w- where some issues may have happened in the past, but I've learned that, again, I don't wanna be fighting with you.
I don't want us fighting-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: at all, so I need to f- some- I, I tell you this Sometimes I have my own issues. Like I'm trying to figure out is it a me problem?
Dave: Right.
Reese: Or is it actually you?
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: Or you, is it a me problem and you're just a catalyst to get me to overthink it too much, and it really has nothing to do with you.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: It's me.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And I've said that to you several times. So I think it's all the matter also of just is it a you problem?
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: Are you making something out of nothing?
Dave: I think also when I think about something that maybe changed our relationship, and I don't know if again, like I think we were always around it, but I think one of the things that made it work was this idea of like I [00:25:00] remember saying to you that like we have to, you have to tell me what you're thinking.
Because, one, I don't know what you're thinking, but also, two, typically I think the things that we make up in our heads are 10 times worse than what is actually going on.
Reese: 100%.
Dave: And you don't know what I'm thinking.
Reese: Right.
Dave: And so you might think I'm upset with you when I'm actually off on something else completely.
And I think f- probably feel like that's one of the biggest thing that was, that we've learned, not only with each other, but even just having kids-
Reese: Right ...
Dave: is that oftentimes the moment of, uh, the out- the, what am I trying to say?
Reese: The outburst.
Dave: The outburst. The, the, yeah.
Reese: Yeah,
Dave: the outburst or the thing-
Reese: The spiral
Dave: that is the thing that, becomes the thing that feels like that's the problem is actually not the problem at all.
Reese: But it's usually something else that's been there that has-
Dave: That-
Reese: ... not been resolved.
Dave: Right.
Reese: And, uh, the, and there are some, some stupid things you should toss away. They're pointless.
They're meaningless. It doesn't matter. Acknowledge that it's there, that you're feeling it.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: But to [00:26:00] sit with it too long, that's on you.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: And then sometimes you let those things go. But sometimes some things do need a conversation.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: So we have had that, I think, and I think we've gotten better with-
Figuring out the things that need a conversation-
Dave: Mm-hmm
Reese: ... and things that just need to be tossed away.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: It's something you feel in the moment. In the end, it doesn't really mean anything in the long run. I've worked it out on my own. I don't need to address it. Yeah. And then there are some things where it's like, this really made me feel bad on both our accounts-
Dave: Well, right
Reese: and we're gonna-
Dave: A- a- and I also- ...
Reese: we should ha- we should talk about it
Dave: ... and I think also just recognizing when it's something that
We need to talk about, but we n- might not be at the place where we can really have an open conversation about it.
Reese: Right.
Dave: Right? Like, we feel... Like, there's a heated moment where we're like, "Look, this is a problem."
Reese: Right.
Dave: And I think to your point, where it's like, okay, like, we need some time to decompress and-
Reese: Right
Dave: but I think we [00:27:00] always end up finding our way to it through the talking about it.
Reese: Right.
Dave: Or knowing where we are. Like, okay, now you almost ha- need to be in, like, a, like, a, y- in a completely, like, I guess non-confrontational- ... mode, right?
Reese: Right.
Dave: To be able to like, "Oh, let's talk about this now," you know?
Reese: Well, because your, your emotions are down here.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: So you're at a good place to start the conversations. When your emotions are up here, you're at a terrible place to have the conversation because it's... You will be talking with all emotions that are wild.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: Like, out of control. It's like you don't go in the ocean when they tell you there's an undertow or there's big waves.
Like, you don't go in there. You wait till it settles, and then you go in. It- that's your emotions. When you are feeling waves of emotion, it... And it could be being too happy, being too sad, being too angry, whatever it might be. If, if, if that emotion is up at around 90, 80 to 90, even [00:28:00] 70- ... not a good time for the conversation.
Allow it to dissipate a little. Allow the, the tide to go out a little, and then come back and talk about it when those things have leveled out. I think that is a big problem in our country today, that people don't know how to have a conversation without it, without doing it emotionally, 'cause they feel like if I talk because I'm feeling emotional, that makes me a better person.
It doesn't. It... You come off as an asshole. I feel like a lot of people come off as-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... like self-indulgent and an asshole, and they feel virtuous because they are talking with passion. And talking and being passionate about something is very different than you're just highly emotional right now-
Dave: Mm-hmm
Reese: and you're not really thinking about what's gonna happen after that conversation. I think you and I are really good at, okay, for instance, we had something going on, uh, with one of the girls recently, and you were [00:29:00] very nonchalant about it, and I'm never chal- I'm the most chalant. I'm overly chalant. The- I'm the most chalant that there could be in the world.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: I am full of chalant. And so I was kinda mad at you at how nonchalant you were about a situation, and I was like, you know what? Maybe it's me, but my gut this time was saying, "It's not me." Like, how are you not seeing what I'm seeing? And then finally something else happened, and I was like- We need to take this a little bit seriously than normal.
And it was nice that we were both on the same page-
Dave: Oh, yeah
Reese: ... with it. Like yeah-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... no, you're right. And I felt like that was a time where maybe I was being, my anxiety was getting the better of me, and I was feeling like, oh boy, I'm overwhelmed, but is it just me? Is it my head creating things that aren't there?
Nope. And when you said, "Okay, yeah," then I when [00:30:00] I, when you immediately are like, "Yeah, okay," I'm like, okay then-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... then I knew-
Dave: Well-
Reese: ... my instincts were right.
Dave: I mean, I think also the other thing that you kinda learn in through this whole process is, I mean, even just us talking to each other about us with the girls, is that, like, you also have to understand- what demeanor is needed in that particular situation.
Reese: Yes, I think we've learned a lot about that with having to-
Dave: And like, I, 'cause like I, I remember- ...
Reese: girls ...
right that moment when we're having like, and I was being calm, and you were like kinda starting to freak out, and I was like, "I need you to leave."
Yep, and I did.
Dave: Because I can't-
Reese: And I did
Dave: I'm trying not to be what you're doing, and you're not helping me.
Reese: And I did. And I did not-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... take offense to it or get upset.
Dave: No, of course.
Reese: I was like, "Oh-
Dave: Yeah, okay
Reese: ... I'm not gonna be helping this, and I need to deescalate myself."
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And that's-
Dave: And I think that's-
Reese: And that's it
Dave: ... part of recognizing, right?
Reese: I recognized-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... how I was being even though you were like, and I was like, "You know what? You're right."
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: "And I'm, I'm gonna deescalate myself-"
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... "and the situation."
Dave: And I'm not saying you were wrong in that situation either.
Reese: No, but I-
Dave: I'm just saying like, I-
Reese: [00:31:00] It wasn't gonna be helpful-
Dave: That, that-
Reese: ... in the moment
Dave: that energy is not helpful right now, exactly.
Reese: It's 100%, and I knew enough to walk away- ... and calm the F down. And then, and then we were able to-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... like logically and sensibly and-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... without heightened emotion figure out a solution to what was going on at that time.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And I think, I think, I know, and we're still learning because-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: it doesn't mean that w- we've got a good s- 'cause o- other new things are gonna happen.
Dave: Well, it's new information.
Reese: Yeah, exactly.
Dave: I think we, we did a pretty good job-
Reese: Yeah ...
Dave: with that.
Reese: And that, I think that's again, to go back to The Bear, I think that's what I appreciated in that season is just seeing real human things.
Dave: Yeah, yeah.
Reese: And not these weird, uh, you know, they like to be salacious with this garbage shit that they pedal out because it- it's, again, empty calories-
Dave: Mm
Reese: ... and everybody consumes that because it's, it's easier than actually sitting and watching someone, [00:32:00] and be uncomfortable and be sad-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... and be, you know?
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And then I think they had all of those things t- going on and where I, I definitely connected to a lot of it and, and-
Dave: Well, a couple of things that-
Reese: ... appreciated it
Dave: ... to that, right, of being uncomfortable, is there a conversation you think we're still avoiding right now or something that we're avoid- avoiding?
Reese: No, I think- I think we do pretty well talking about some weird shit. I think we do really well with confronting each other-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... with some weird shit. I think it's just the time and the place when we do it.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: You know? When we're like-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... "You know, we should talk about blah, blah, blah." And I, I feel like the last couple of days in the pool, couple of drinks in, we've had some really good-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: conversations.
Dave: I feel like the big conversation that we really need to have is gonna be, like, what are, like, what are we doing next?
Reese: Mm.
Dave: Like, 'cause, like, we're not gonna stay in this house, obviously. Like, I think-
Reese: I know. It makes me so sad, but-
Dave: And I mean, 'cause I love this place-
Reese: Yeah
Dave: ... but I mean, it's just like, okay, like, right?
Like, because if we are gonna stay, then we gotta start doing some [00:33:00] fixing up of things, right? But otherwise, it's like, well, if we're g- not, then let's just get the fuck out of here.
Reese: Yeah.
Dave: But it's like I think we do really need to have, like, a real conversation about, like... It's similar to, like, when we moved here from Brooklyn, right?
Like, it wasn't until we had that conversation-
Reese: Right
Dave: ... that things started moving, and I feel like this is similar, where it's like, okay, we know it's coming. We're not really thinking about it or moving there, and, and part of me is putting it off, because I am still kind of just enjoying, but it's comfortable.
And one of the things I, I hate most, and I think you know this, is moving-
Reese: Mm-hmm
Dave: ... just in general. It's such a pain in the ass, that's, like, a big thing.
And then-
Reese: And the house is, like-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... big enough where we have so much shit.
Dave: Yeah. And but I also think it's an opportunity to d- downsize and only take what we really need and, you know, all of that.
But I think that is probably the real- really the next big conversation-
Reese: And we'll know-
Dave: ... that we have to have
Reese: ... when it's ready to happen.
Dave: Yeah,
Yeah. Because- '
Reese: Cause we've already-
Dave: ... we get to a place where
Reese: it's like, okay ... we've laid the groundwork to talking about there's chance that we-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... probably will [00:34:00] move.
And, and-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... we both seem on the same page. The next step is gonna be the thing that really drives the conversation to then call the realtor and get, put the wheels-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... in motion.
Dave: Start-
Reese: Right
Dave: ... start doing the thing.
Reese: But I think, yes, that will probably be the bigger conversation coming up.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: But I also feel we'll be...
I think we're also on the same page, and we're really good with-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: not being on the same page, but trying to find the middle ground.
Dave: Yep, getting to a place that we are both comfortable.
Reese: Yes.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: Yeah,
Dave: I agree. What, what would you say scares you now based on where we are-
Reese: Choking- ...
Dave: in life?
Reese: ... myself.
Dave: And yeah.
Oh, it's still to this day- ... I can't help shake the fear of choking on my own saliva.
Reese: It sucks. And I
As it's happening, it's like when you're walking-
Dave: All of a sudden... Like, I can't even cut this now 'cause it's just like all of a sudden you're gonna cry. Like, why is she gonna cry?
Reese: I'm really emotional-
Dave: Yeah, yeah
Reese: ... about [00:35:00] choking on my saliva.
Dave: Is this, is this... Yeah, what is this?
Reese: Uh, no, it's, it's like when you're, like, walking on, walking upstairs or going downstairs and you know, like, you're ready to fall.
Like, you're like, "Oh, God, this is gonna happen," and you can't con-
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: So the second it c- the- ... the saliva gets stuck in my throat, I'm like, "Oh, my God, it's gonna happen. You c- there's nothing I can do. I can't take a drink. I can't, I just gotta let it work itself out." I'm okay now. I survived. What am I scared of?
What are you asking?
Dave: Yeah, is there anything that you feel scares you now at, like, this stage?
Reese: Yes.
Dave: What?
Reese: I definitely am fearful of just, again, things at, not in my control- ... which are weather related, uh-
Dave: Mm
Reese: ... war, strife, crazy people doing something to cause pain and suffering to innocent people for no [00:36:00] reason, terrorist attacks, things like that.
Uh, that is always something that I am... I mean, after COVID, 'cause I was like, "This isn't really gonna happen," and it frick- and I had been b- like prepping for Ebola for years, and that never took off. And then, like, COVID happened, and we got locked down, and people died. And I was like, "A lot of this shit is out of my control."
Dave: Well, so-
Reese: So that's the only thing-
Dave: So this is what I- ...
Reese: that scares me
Dave: ... so but this is what I was gonna say, is that those are all things that are out of your control. When you think about your life and, like, what we're doing, and even our relationship or where we're going next, is there anything in there that you're, like-
Reese: No
Dave: afraid of?
Reese: No, because I know that if something comes up, there may be anger, someone may be sad or upset-
Dave: Mm-hmm
Reese: ... but I know we're good at talking to each other-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: about it at some point.
Dave: Yeah. Yeah.
Reese: Like, we'll always work it out.
Dave: Yeah. I mean, I th- I think- I think things that are come into [00:37:00] play, like in my mind, in terms of things being, like afraid of, right?
But like it's just I think really just health right now. I'm like, 'cause we've got such a good thing going-
Reese: Mm
Dave: ... and, and it's like that idea of like, ugh, like if something health r- related comes up, like that throws a whole-
Reese: I block that out of my head.
Dave: Well, that's... Listen, that's fair, right?
Reese: I block it out of my head-
Dave: That's fair. That's fair ...
Reese: because- '
Dave: Cause, 'cause you would go down a, a, a rabbit hole.
Reese: I would-
Dave: You would get stuck in that
Reese: ... definitely spiral-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... because there's been so many messed up family-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: health issues-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... that I'm not gonna... B- And I also feel like you dwell on it, y- dwell on it, you think about it too much-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: you're gonna-
Dave: You're will-
Reese: ... cause it ...
Dave: you're willing it to happen.
Reese: You're willing it to happen, so that's why I don't-
Dave: Well, particularly, well, I think that's particularly when you are, like you hold that inside and you're thinking about it and not talking about it. I think that's the-
Reese: And, and that is-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... s- I'm not gonna do that.
I'm... And so that's why the outside element of nature or man's violence-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... is the thing that... It st- it, it stays, and it's actually not as [00:38:00] bad as it used to be. I used to be like really thinking about that too much. But again, as I've gotten older, I'm just like, every day I wake up, I'm like, "Thank you.
Uh, what are we gonna do today? What shenanigans? What chaos am I gonna get in today? What am I gonna create? What am I gonna do? What are the girls gonna surprise me with today?" Because they're such amazing human beings. They're always doing stuff that I never got to do, especially at their age. Just their drive and their determination and just I'm in awe of them all the time.
So when I wake up, I'm excited to see what is new with them. I live vicariously through their... Like, I love Jonnie with kittens right now. Emily got a new desk at work with her name, uh, b- outside the door, which, ah, that makes me so thrilled and happy. I went, I bought her a lamp. I got her all this stuff to put on her desk.
I bought her a desk goose, or at least I thought I did.
Dave: Which this is the first time I've been hearing this. [00:39:00] Yeah, so, so did you just buy the... Is this what I heard in the other room? You just bought the accessories, not the actual goose?
Reese: It- I will show you-
Dave: So that's why the goose is missing?
Reese: Yes. So I will show you, uh, what was advertised in Amazon.
Dave: Amazing. No, I saw the-
Reese: They made it look like there was the goose ...
Dave: I saw the little picture. It looked like the goose came with it, but yeah.
Reese: But it said it in the description too, so I was like, "Oh, this is a great deal." No, it was just the little- ... the little accessories that go with it. But it was also-
Dave: That's funny
Reese: it was a tiny little bag. It was this seven-inch little goose-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... which I d- didn't, apparently didn't come with it. But the clothes w- was in, like, a little tiny bag, so it came with something else. I took the big item out, never even saw that little bag in there, threw it out. So d- when I found out, I was like, "Where's the goose?
I thought it showed up." We had a whole, we solved a whole case, freaking Sherlock Holmes and Watson.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: We figured it out.
Dave: I'm glad that was, uh-
Reese: And I had to dig through the garbage with my
Dave: You did dig through
Reese: My dish
Dave: But you found the thing that's-
Reese: I found it
Dave: ... which made it interesting
Reese: But I had to.
So there's a big thing now where everybody [00:40:00] has a porch goose, but I'm not putting a porch goose. Someone will steal it and I'm not in the mood. Doesn't matter side thing. But that's a joke that I have with Emily, and she's like, "I need stuff for my desk." So I was like, "I'll buy you a little plant." I was like, "Do you want a desk goose?"
Dave: Hilarious.
Reese: I was so excited to give it to her, and it was... There was no goose.
Dave: Mm.
Reese: So I had to order it separately.
Dave: You got your goose.
Reese: It is what it is. Yeah.
Dave: All right. Here, I wanna end on, on, on this little, little thing here. Okay. All right. So 'cause you mentioned, right, like, the girls too, so let's imagine we're sitting here, and in through that door as we're sitting here comes 20 years ago, younger Reese and younger Dave.
Reese: Oh, Jesus.
Dave: 20 years. So that would make us 32?
Reese: Sure.
Dave: 32. We're 32 years old.
Reese: Wow.
Dave: If they were here now- What would surprise them most?
Reese: How good we look.
Dave: Ooh, I like that one.
Reese: I think we look pretty good for our age.
Dave: I would take j- I, we do look pretty good for our age.
Reese: Mm-hmm.
Dave: I, I feel like we're in... Listen, we're not [00:41:00] the go to the gym every day type of people, although I'm getting there.
Reese: You are getting there. Good for you.
Dave: Actually, I do. But like, but we're not like the health nut people.
Reese: Right.
Dave: Like, you know what I mean?
Reese: Right.
Dave: Where like everything is like a blah, blah, blah, and like, you know-
Reese: Yeah
Dave: ... what is my body fat percentage and all that kind of thing.
Reese: 32-year-old Reese would be like, "Oh my God, you're the American sweetheart?"
Dave: Oh, wow. I couldn't believe it.
Reese: Good for you.
Dave: Fi- it finally happened. Our dream came true. So I think, yeah, it's like that. I would agree with that. So I, what would surprise me m- I, I would
No, I don't, I don't know what I would be surprised by. Oh, you know-
Reese: That we have a house-
Dave: You know what I-
Reese: ... that we're functional
Dave: ... you know, actually, no. You know what?
Reese: And a pool?
Dave: Well, 32, ah, it... No, we're at 32. You know what? Here's what might, maybe might surprise me most. I'm trying to think at that time, and I don't know how close this timeline is, 'cause I g- I'm also thinking like, "Oh, shit," like, I mean, we had kids at 32.
So it's like I'm- it's not even before that. Like, if it was longer, I might be in a different place. But I would say what would surprise me most right now, [00:42:00] just because of where I was very early on in the fatherhood stage of things and, like, my whole life and my whole baggage, was the fact that, wow, look how good we did-
Reese: I know
Dave: with them.
Reese: I know.
Dave: Like, that would surprise me most. Because I think if I'm guessing the right timeline, that might have been a period where I was just like, "I'm gonna fuck this up"-
Reese: Yeah
Dave: ... or like, "This isn't gonna be"-
Reese: Well, 'cause they were difficult
Dave: ... you know what I mean?
Reese: And, and you're, you don't... You know, you can read all the books about parenting.
Each child is unique and different even though they have qualities of you in there. But it, you gotta think, you gotta keep your head on a swivel-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... and you gotta think on your feet. And I think w- it was difficult navigating that at the beginning, but I think, again, because we are definitely always on the same page when it comes-
Dave: Mm-hmm
Reese: to certain big-ticket items in our relationship, the girls being that, we knew how we wanted to raise them.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And so we were definitely... [00:43:00] I don't think there was ever a moment where we had a disagreement on what to do with them.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: I would say when they, we, when they were old enough to have separate beds, that was upsetting to me, and then when they had separate bedrooms, I was against it.
And you're like, "They're gonna be fine." And I really took a leap of faith believing you, because that was something that I was ready to, like, fight for. I was like, "They're not gonna be as close as they used to be-
Dave: Oh, yeah
Reese: ... if they're in separate rooms."
Dave: No.
Reese: "They're fine."
Dave: They're fine. "
Reese: They're great."
Dave: There's- closer because they- Yeah
of it.
Reese: They're great. And they needed-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... they needed the space too, because it's, it's hard to be, have that person that is d- exactly like you-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... right there in your face all the time. So yeah yeah.
Hmm.
Dave: All right. Well, how about this one? What would disappoint them?
Reese: Dave and Reese at 32?
Dave: Yep.
Reese: I don't think that they would... I don't think that disappointment would be an [00:44:00] issue. I know for the sake of this game-
Dave: No
Reese: ... I should come up with something.
Dave: No.
Reese: But I think-
Dave: Say what's, say what's, speak your piece.
Reese: Uh, I, I think that they honestly... what, how could they be disappointed? At that point, we, we spent, we paid off our student loans.
We were able to get a house. Like, remember our apartment in Queens had no air conditioning, and it was like we were dying. And I always thought, like, "Man, we're gonna be stuck in apartments forever."
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: But, but we have the apartment.
Dave: I know.
Reese: We're still together.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: You know what I mean? Like, we've had some, like, blowout fights, but we're still together.
I couldn't imagine them walking in and seeing anything that is here now and being disappointed-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: with either one of us or ourselves.
Dave: I would say, so I'll look at it a little different w- way because, like, I agree with you in terms of, and maybe that'll lead us into the, what the next question will be, which we'll fill this in.
But I'm gonna look at it from just, like, a where I am as an individual and [00:45:00] professionally and how that colors, that comes into play in the relationship-
Reese: Mm
Dave: ... as well, too, right? Because it's part of you, and you bring that to the relationship. And so I would say something that I would be disappointed in, especially at that time, is that it's one of the things that I'm like, "Ah, that's the thing that I..."
Like, I've always taken notes, and I do, like, a journal every o- every once in a while, but I don't always document as much as I would like to. And I only say that for the sense of, like, I would've liked to have documented more things or- Or catalog the process. Like, I'm even saying this to the girls now. Like, I was having this conversation with Emily.
I was like, "Look, write it down. Write about it. Write what you're thinking. Write the things that you wanna try." She was telling me about some things she wanted to try, because, like, I feel like that is all stuff that you can take and build something on top of later, right? And part of me is like... Like, so for example, when we started this whole thing, I was blogging a lot and doing that.
I do it [00:46:00] occasionally now. I wish when I got the job at Constant Contact, for example, I kinda shifted and didn't focus on my stuff anymore. I was doing the Constant Contact stuff. All along the way, like, I wish I was documenting and talking about-
Reese: Mm
Dave: ... all of the different challenges that I faced over, over 20 years of doing this now that I think sometimes I have to be reminded of it, right?
Reese: Mm-hmm.
Dave: Like, oh, shit, yeah, remember when we... Like, I even just, if I think back at Constant Contact, like, how many different people I've had work, that I've worked with, how many different people that I've had work for me, like, how many things that I've learned or how many things that I've, like, uh, this is what I wanted to have happen and have happened.
Just, like, all of that, and not having a record of it to share other than my memory of it.
Reese: Mm.
Dave: That w- is a regret because I see the value in, everything that we do, everything now is marketing, is content, right, is all that, and telling a story and getting people to building an [00:47:00] audience, doing all that, that I think I could be in a different place-
Reese: But I think those-
Dave: if I ha- if I had kept doing it. You know what I'm saying?
Reese: I think those answers and that history is in the growth of your work.
Dave: Well, it is. I just wish I-
Reese: When you go back-
Dave: ... had that
Reese: ... and you look at where you were when you first-
Dave: Sure
Reese: ... how long have you been there?
Dave: Coming up on 15 years.
Reese: 15 years.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: I mean, that's crazy.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: So it's... You know what I mean? Like, I get what you're saying, but also think about if that's the only thing.
Dave: No, I know.
Reese: Do you know what I mean?
Dave: Like- Like, listen, that's not a big, that's not a big-
Reese: But I didn't ta-
Dave: ... disappointment, but-
Reese: I didn't take the question that way. I was taking it as, like, what would they think about us and our relationship.
Dave: Yeah. I, I'm just- I, I think- I, be- I only went there-
Reese: I think-
Dave: ... because we didn't really have a relationship thing
Reese: ... 32 year, 32-
Dave: I think they'd be like, "You guys are fucking awesome."
Reese: 32-year-old-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... that was so hard to say. I'm gonna try it again.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: 32-year-old Reese.
Dave: Leisure Suit Larry.
Reese: There it is. You did it. It was, all those Coronas make you not be able to-
Dave: We're not gonna-
Reese: ... speak correctly
Dave: ... we're not gonna-
Reese: Don't even ask
Dave: ... we're not gonna even tell you anything about that-
Reese: Don't even ask
Dave: ... other than say it. All right. Well, then, so- Uh,
Reese: no, wait.
Dave: Oh, [00:48:00] you have one-
Reese: I was gonna say, 32-year-old Reese would have been disappointed I would say that I didn't do better with my relationship with my mother, and that I didn't try to find more time to take out more things from the house before it was sold.
I think that would be the only thing-
Dave: Yeah. Okay
Reese: ... 'cause it bothers me now-
Dave: Yeah, yeah, yeah
Reese: ... still to this day.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: But I think at that point, my mother was still alive, I still had opportunities, but sometimes you don't think about it. But what that does now is make me remind myself that I have to, that these relationships are important.
Dave: Mm.
Reese: And you should always find ways of mending fences and having, again, good conversations, and not taking things personally with the people around you that you love, that you wanna have in, in your life. That, so that goes with how you and I get along, that goes along with w- you know, the way that I handle conversations with [00:49:00] the girls and decisions that they make.
I didn't get to do the thing that I should have done better, but I can fix that with other people- ... that are important to me. So that's all.
Dave: Okay. All right.
Reese: All right. What's the next thing?
Dave: Two more things, and then we'll wrap this up.
Reese: Okay. I wanna go to the pool.
Dave: Well, yes. I'm with you. I wanna eat something, too.
Reese: Yes.
Dave: What would make them most proud?
Reese: I think the girls how the girls turned out.
Dave: So I think this goes back to, I mean, yes, but I also feel like as much as I'm proud of the girls, I'm also proud of us.
Reese: Mm.
Dave: And so, like, I feel like kinda going back to what you were saying earlier, like, just this. Like, the fact that here we are-
Reese: Yeah ...
Dave: and this is where we are, I think that would be all right.
Reese: And, um, I think we would be proud-
Dave: 'Cause we're not in a bad... You know what I mean?
Reese: ... of ourselves for moving so far away-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... from everything, too.
Dave: Yeah.
Reese: And reestablishing ourselves-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: in a pretty great way-
Dave: Yeah ...
Reese: in another state.
Dave: Yep.
Reese: Yeah.
Dave: All right, so here's an interesting one. What advice would they ignore if we gave it to them now?[00:50:00]
Reese: You tell me
Dave: I'm gonna say, who I'm, these are, this is a tough one
Reese: Yeah
Dave: I would say, what advice would they, like what is my thinking now that would've been different then? 32
Wow
Well, funnily, I feel like I could go back to the thing I was mentioning before in terms of the regret or disappointment, right? Is that, like, I would say to him, "Look, dude," 'cause I was even saying it then, but I didn't do it, was, "Document what you're doing. Do the thing. You have to do it. The, it- you're gonna kick yourself for not doing it later on," and I would still ignore it, I bet.
Reese: Mm-hmm. Probably.
Dave: Because I ignored it then, and I still kind of ignore it now.
Reese: Yeah.
Dave: Even though I know it's the thing I should do. I try to be better. I'm gonna do bet- I'm gonna be better, Reese. Ah, so I think that's what it would be.
Reese: Yeah, I, [00:51:00] ugh, I probably have a litany of things I would've said, and-
Dave: Like, what do you, what do you believe now that you know if you told yourself when you were 32, you, you wouldn't pay attention to it?
Reese: That I guess like, I guess I, you know, it was, it was very important to me in my career to have my own office and be- ... a director of theater or like one of these things at a college, like have a bigger role. And I think I would've, I would say to my younger self th- a title does not mean that you have everything that you ever wanted.
Dave: Mm-hmm.
Reese: Sometimes titles and bigger responsibilities, more money, more problems. You know what I mean? Like Biggie knows. Y- the more... The, I think that I would've still pushed myself to try to get further [00:52:00] in my career and, and go for things, and maybe, maybe I should have tried a little bit harder.
I would've been like, "Try a little bit harder. Put yourself out there more." I probably would've-
Dave: Yeah
Reese: ... ignored all of that, and been like, "Hmm."
Dave: Yeah. All right.
Reese: It's fine. I'm fine.
Dave: Reese, true or false, the best relationships are built one conversation at a time?
Reese: True.
Dave: Ding, ding, ding.
Reese: I'm the wiener.
Dave: I agree, and I think that's, you know, one of the reasons why I think we've been able to do this, and we continue to do this.
And so I'm gonna say to you, dear listener I kinda like these what would younger us think. Hey, get together with your significant other. Ask each other these questions. What would surprise them most if you were 20 years ago about where you are today? What would disappoint them? What would make them proud?
And what advice would they ignore? Uh, let us know. Go to the website, actually. Do your, do yourselves one even better.
Reese: Oh, yeah. The website.
Dave: Go to the website. Let us know, what you're responding to, and leave us a voicemail.
Reese: [00:53:00] Yes, please. That would be so much fun. No one has done that yet.
Dave: Yeah. Th- you'll see, see send a voicemail right on the side of the site.
Click that button. Get in there. Record something for us, and we'll listen to those, of course. And then maybe, just maybe we'll get you into an episode of the show. I'd really love to start doing that.
Reese: Yeah.
Dave: Uh, all right, friends. That's what we got for you for today. Yeah. Uh, remember this, life is a group project.
Be kind to each other.
Outro Music: We got the right stuff, we put the hammer right down.
We got the right stuff we put the hammer right down.
